Tom Torrance

I know there are people who read my blog that may not be crazy about T.F. Torrance, but I have to say, finishing a class I just took on his readings, that although he is one of the deepest thinker and writer I've encountered, he has challenged me and renewed my faith in Jesus Christ. Not that I lost it (I've had it all along), but he (with the help of his student and my professor Dr. Andrew Purves) has helped me to know the power of the Good News of Jesus Christ in a whole new way. My preaching, my ministry, my life... none of these will ever be the same. And the reason is because my life is in the hands of my faithful Savior, in whom and through whom my life, and all human existence, has been redeemed.

Here is a quote that Dr. Purves read to us at the end of the class. To say the least, it made my heart and my soul leap for joy within me (if they can actually do that), because it is truly the Good News of the Gospel:

“How, then, is the Gospel to be preached in a genuinely evangelical way? Surely in such a way that full and central place is given to the vicarious humanity of Jesus as the all-sufficient human response to the saving love of God which he has freely and unconditionally provided for us. We preach and teach the Gospel evangelically, then, in such a way as this: God loves you so utterly and completely that he has given himself for you in Jesus Christ his beloved Son, and has thereby pledged him very Being as God for your salvation. In Jesus Christ God has actualized his unconditional love for you in your human nature in such a once for all way, that he cannot go back upon it without undoing the Incarnation and the Cross, thereby denying himself. Jesus Christ died for you precisely because you are sinful and utterly unworthy of him, and has thereby already made you his own before and apart form your ever believing in him. He has bound you to himself by his love in a way that he will never let you go, for even if you refuse him and damn yourself in hell, his love for you will never cease. Therefore, repent and believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. From beginning to end what Jesus Christ has done for you he has done not only as God but as man. He has acted in your place in the whole range of your human life and activity, including your personal decisions, and your responses to God’s love and even your acts of faith. He has believed for you, fulfilled your human response to God, even made your personal decision for you, so that he acknowledges you before God as one who has already responded to God in him, who has already believed in God through him, and whose personal decision is already implicated in Christ’s self offering to the Father, in all of which he has been fully and completely accepted by the Father, so that in Jesus Christ you are already accepted by him. Therefore, renounce yourself, take up the cross and follow Jesus as your Lord and Savior.” – Tom F. Torrance.

What an amazing term this has been because of this class. Praise to God for speaking His message of salvation through faithful servants like Tom Torrance and Dr. Purves, who through their own inspiration inspire others to share that powerful message of Jesus Christ with the world.

It Just Shouldn't be Happening...

Hi all. I know it's been some time, but I guess this blog is going to be more sporadically updated than regular. Oh well - better than nothing.

I want to begin by suggesting that those of you who are interested should read an article by one of my professors (and my advisor) Dr. Scott Sunquist, who wrote a two part series for the Presbyterian Outlook called "The Dangers of the Unconverted Seminary." Part I. Part II. In these articles, Sunquist addresses the problem in seminary education as they relate to practical ministry in the church today. Overall, I think he's right in a lot of ways.

I have just been reflecting this weekend on the nature of the church today, which of course many are saying is changing and in need of desperate change. I tend to agree... the world today does look more like the pre-Constantinian church than it ever has, and the model of f "Christendom," where the church has power and influence in world culture, is disappearing. All that being said, it is no longer in the United States a social norm to go to church, and the church is forced to find ways of ministering that accept this model as true. That means that in a lot of ways, the church has to look different than ever before.

In the midst of all this comes my own experience as the pastor of a small, community church. Some would argue that our church should not be surviving. In fact, I've had a couple of people this week describe how churches such as my own should be nursed into death because they'll never survive. Why? Well, most of the people in the church are somewhere between 65-85. It's an older church. At the moment, there are only two children under the age of 10, and four youth between 11-17. There are five or six people between the age of 18-35. Then there are like eight or nine people between the ages of 35 - 65. The total amount of people in worship on an average Sunday is somewhere between 35-45, and the total "regulars" who attend is somewhere close to 50. Yes, based on those demographics, it probably should be slated to die.

That is, until you look at the change between January 2007, when I started preaching there, and now. At that time, there were no children under 10. One youth between 11-17. Two or three people between the ages of 18-35. And two between the ages of 35-65. The average attendance was something like 30-35, with about 35 "regular" attenders. Look at the changes - it's remarkable. The financial situation of the church was such that they could no longer keep a full-time pastor at the church anymore and were hemorrhaging money. Now with the exception of one month so far this year, they've brought in a few hundred dollars more than they've spent. The Presbytery didn't want to allow me to take this church because they thought it was unhealthy and my being there would burn me out. They thought the people would not step up to the plate and do the needed work to fix what's wrong with the church. And yet, I love being there immensely, they love having me there, and they have not only healed the disfunction in which they formerly ministered, but they have also become passionate about serving the community - slowly, but surely. The Presbytery's pastors have said what exciting news they've heard about our church, they've actually said on numerous occasions, "We think this church will be able to afford a full-time pastor again." They had a church dinner last night in which I swear almost everyone in the church was there to help out, and everything went so smoothly. We are starting Bible studies this week that will probably involve 40% of the church.

Now what do we say to this? Call me naive, call me an optimist, but I think this means that God is slowly restoring this church from death to life. God is renewing the hearts of these people to create a strong church in the Bessemer community. God is doing what was often thought impossible. Now, I realize that in most cases, this is the exception rather than the rule. But why have we become so entrenched in a model of church that requires programs and resources that most small churches cannot have for survival? Or do we have it all wrong?

You know, my thinking is that we still base churches on the "Christendom" model. But before Constantine, churches met in homes. They had pastors who went house to house, often working another job to make money. They had members of different ages, but they were all united on a common goal of spreading the message of Jesus. And the church was growing by leaps and bounds - more than before. Now this has much to do with the nature of the church in persecution, but it also had to do with the fact that they weren't hung up with buildings, endowments, budgets and all that stuff. What mattered was the heart-attitude of that community, and its desire to serve the Lord.

Thus, I firmly disagree with those who say such churches cannot survive. There are, in fact, instances when they can. Sometimes churches do need to die for this to happen - they have to put to death the disfunction which put them in such a situation in the first place. They have to humble themselves enough to gear their church toward meeting the needs of multiple generations, especially the younger ones. But that doesn't mean they have to play with all the bells and whistles: sometimes they do (and should not be afraid to do so if that's what God calls them to do), but more often they have to just open their arms, their hearts, their minds, and their lives not only to people, but to the Savior they serve. What is vital, I think, is authentic hospitality, community, humility, and relationships with Jesus Christ. Authenticity, I believe, is the key. A sense of purpose is another. Above all is desire to know and share Jesus Christ. Bessemer, I think, has all of this going for it now, and that's why its growing. It's not perfect - but getting better all the time.

Bessemer should be dying, according to most models, but it isn't. I am encouraged every day by the amount of great things happening in such a small church. I've watched God do things through them that I've never knew God did. I've watched people's lives and hearts change, slowly but surely. Maybe the problem then isn't with the church - it's with people who are so quick to pass over the small church without giving it a chance to do what God does best in them: form a deep spiritual community. I think that's the key to any church's survival, and that's why I think that in the end, the small church will become relevant in the future of the changing church - because that's where the authentic community everyone longs for is best forged.

Well, I need some dinner... but this is what I'm thinking today. Feel free to respond. I like when people do that :-)

Quick Morning Update

Hi folks,

So I am hoping sometime soon to have a few blogs that discuss some things I've encountered this summer and been thinking about. I haven't done a lot of blogging over the past year thanks to the time spent at seminary and at church, but I realize that in our modern era, this is an important tool of communicating the Christian faith. So hopefully, I can discipline myself to do this; but we shall see.

Well, I'm off to church for the morning - have a good one.

- Nathan

Letter to the Church

Hi all and Happy Independence Day!

Below is the letter that I read to my congregation in Bessemer last Sunday. It expresses what I believe our church will be doing in response to the actions of the General Assembly. I am happy that they received well what I said, and they want to begin a dialogue about these issues. To me, that is important because it shows they want to proceed with prayerful consideration instead of blowing up at or blowing off those who disagree.

Anyway, here is the letter. You will no doubt hear more from me about this issue in the future. Have a great day!

In Christ,
Pastor Nate

-----
Beloved in Christ,

Some of you are going to hear in the coming hours and days, or perhaps have already heard, about the decisions of our denomination, the Presbyterian Church (USA), at its national meeting called the General Assembly. One issue that has weighed heavy on our church is that of human sexuality, specifically, homosexuality. All this week, I’ve been keeping up on the proceedings of the General Assembly, and they have made some decisions that are extremely controversial and will no doubt stir many of you in various ways.

In essence, the Presbyterian Church (USA) General Assembly voted 380-325 to repeal statement G-6.0106b of the Book of Order, Part II of our Constitution, which reads as follows: “Those who are called to office in the church are to lead a life in obedience to Scripture and in conformity to the historic confessional standards of the church. Among these standards is the requirement to live either in fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman (W-4.9001), or chastity in singleness. Persons refusing to repent of any self acknowledged practice which the confessions call sin shall not be ordained and/or installed as deacons elders, or ministers of the Word and Sacrament.” This of course was the statement in the Book of Order forbidding the ordination of self-affirming, practicing homosexuals from the ordained offices of deacon, elder and Minister of the Word and Sacrament.

The General Assembly also voted to replace this amendment with the following statement: Those who are called to ordained service in the church, by their assent to the constitutional questions for ordination and installation (W-4.4003), pledge themselves to live lives obedient to Jesus Christ the Head of the Church, striving to follow where he leads through the witness of the Scriptures, and to understand the Scriptures through the instruction of the Confessions. In so doing, they declare their fidelity to the standards of the Church. Each governing body charged with examination for ordination and/or installation (G-14.0240 and G-14.0450) establishes the candidate's sincere efforts to adhere to these standards."

In addition to this, the General Assembly also voted on two “authoritative interpretations” to the Constitution. The first allows “examining bodies to give prayerful and careful consideration, on an individual, case-by-case basis, to any departure from an ordination standard in matters of belief or practice that a candidate may declare during examination.” The second included the directive to rescind all Authoritative Interpretations to the Constitution, dating back to 1978, that have stated that homosexual practice is not compatible with ordained service in the denomination. The elimination of this interpretive language does not overturn the prohibition; that would take effect only if the proposed amendment gets ratified. But the authoritative interpretations provided much more specificity to the constitutional policy. These take effect immediately.

This, therefore, may very likely pave the way for the ordination of homosexual persons in the denomination, because it is now up to each presbytery and church in each individual case to determine what is required or not required of a candidate for ministry or ordination. Now, this issue has been tearing our church apart for thirty years, and I fear that now there will be even greater division in the church. I do fear that a great blow has been dealt to the unity of the Presbyterian Church and the Church universal, something to which I commit my ministry and my life, and I am in many ways grieved that the GA went about it this way. But before we as members of the Presbyterian Church (USA) make any rash decisions or statements as a congregation, or attempt to pack our bags, here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) You need to know how our church government works. This is crucial. First, we are all members of the local congregation, and we elect members from among us to ordained office (elder and deacon). The session of elders is our local governing body, and they make decisions based on what they feel God calling us as a body to do. The minister and one elder represent our session, then, in the next level, the presbytery. This body also has a great impact on our church, as well. Then there are several presbyteries that make up a regional organization called a “Synod.” Finally, every two years, each presbytery sends commissioners to the General Assembly, the highest governing body, which is a body that makes decisions to, among other things, change our church’s Constitution. Thus, our session can make our own decisions on some things, but we are still governed by our presbytery and the Constitution of our church. Thus power is distributed among the various levels, and not just in each individual church.

2) Now that you know this, know also that this issue is not a done deal. The General Assembly is required to send out such approved overtures to each presbytery for a final vote. In 2002, a similar overture to the one before us went before each presbytery, and it was voted down overwhelmingly. What will happen this time, I do not know. Still, even if all is approved, another General Assembly in two years could make changes to this policy, but it is hard to say.

3) Our presbytery (Shenango) has historically stated that it is against such overtures and in the future will not pass them. If you wish to learn more about our presbytery’s stance on this, talk to me and I will pass along their resolution from 2006. I believe that our presbytery is also committed to keeping the ordination standards as is, and we should continue to be actively aware of their discussion and actions.

4) If I might add my personal concern, regardless of how I feel on the issue of homosexuality, this is a problem from the standpoint of the church's polity, as it creates division and disunity between presbyteries. Thus, for instance, as I am seeking ordination in Shenango presbytery, their standards for ordination might now be different from other presbyteries. So say I was ordained in Shenango, and I moved to Ohio to pastor. It is possible that a presbytery like Eastminster, across the state line, might not accept my ordination because their standards could be different. So, regardless of the greater issue, this in and of itself is a problem.

5) Also, even though this decision of the General Assembly may or may not hurt us deeply, I hope that we as a congregation will be careful to treat those who struggle with anything the Bible calls “sin,” as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. After all, Jesus ate with tax collectors and “sinners.” He deeply loved and respected the woman at the well, a known prostitute, even though he pointed out her sin. Yet Jesus told her to go and sin no more. My hope is that we as a church will never discriminate against anyone who comes into our doors, even if we may not think their lifestyle to be what God desires for them. I hope that apart from our views of homosexuality, we can be a church that loves and welcomes all with hospitality, love, mercy and grace, and that the Holy Spirit would call others to “Go and sin no more” as others encounter Him in this place. It is not our job to judge, but it is our task to allow the love of Jesus to encounter others through us.

In the end, know that we will be discussing this issue more in the coming months and weeks. In fact, perhaps there will be a forum to do this as a congregation. But at this point, we are not pursuing leaving the denomination, or anything like that. You will hear about churches threatening to do and actually doing that, as many already have in recent years. We at Bessemer Church will continue to be witnesses to the love and grace of Jesus Christ as a part of the Presbyterian Church (USA) in this community just like we have been doing. But, I know that there is going to be much division and emotional outcry in the Church over this. But even so, the Presbyterian Church (USA) does still hold its allegiance to Jesus Christ, and therefore it is His body, of whom He alone is the head. Liberals and conservatives alike do acknowledge this. So we are called to work alongside those with whom we disagree. One thing I noticed this week is that people who may differ from us in opinion are not rotten, evil, ungodly people. They are trying to seek God’s will also.

So in this difficult time, let us continue to pray for the Presbyterian Church (USA) and its work in the world.

In Christ,
Pastor Nate

I Need to Unwind...

First, I know I didn't publish the letter to the church or some other thoughts. But I'll get there...

So I just got back from the presbytery meeting, and I have no idea why I was looking forward to it in the first place, because it conjured up emotions and thoughts (which are never fun for me and anyone who has to deal with me. First, they interviewed a candidate for ministry tonight. First, it made me anxious about my own process in that I just want to be done instead of jumping through the hoops that make up the PCUSA's ordination process. Secondly, it made me think about what cards I'm going to show the presbytery, because, let's face it, I don't know what I believe anymore.

My dad said it right when he told me that "Opinions are like a**holes. Everybody has one and they usually stink." I cannot and do not feel inclined to argue with people. I've grow to hate argument. It always turns into a battle and frankly, there is never a winner. People feel way more adamant about most things than I do, and I usually just let them talk. Really, inside of me, I don't have an answer. I just live in the tension.

This became painfully obvious when my nineteen year old brother asked me last night, "So what is it you believe anyway." He summed up the whole question in, "Do you want more government or less?" Frankly, I don't think in those terms, nor do I think in extremes. I think in spectrums, since they reflect reality. But his question made me laugh because it is the question of so many with whom I come in contact: Whose side are you on, anyway?

People just want an answer, but if they ask me, they've come to the wrong person for an answer. I don't have one. I do have core beliefs that I will not dispense with, but I just don't have an answer. And I never force my beliefs on anyone else. Instead I listen and ask questions. But I don't have answers. Take the homosexuality issue: I have a group of people in my life that demand me to basically say, "The Bible says its a sin. Therefore, it is a sin. Case closed." Others want me to say, "It's not a sin. The Bible is speaking to a particular time and place only." I have friends and acquaintances who are gay. I've heard the stories of their struggles and the freedom that came in realizing who they are. I know of others who "struggled" with homosexual attractions, and still do, but have gone on to heterosexual relationships. The experiences of some say that it doesn't work. The experiences of others say it can. The Bible tells us to love one another and not to judge. Yet it also condemns this practice. But is that for all times or is it cultural? Did Paul envision monogamous homosexual relationships as sin also, even though these were uncommon before now? Why would it be prohibited anyway?

You know what, I have no answer to these questions. People want me to declare I'm a liberal or a conservative. They would be happier knowing if I was "in their camp or not." But you know what? To hell with the labeling and the politics. To hell with the fact that people demand an answer from me. You know why? Because my beliefs and my conscience are captive only to the Word of God, that is, Jesus Christ. And beyond that, I would rather walk humbly and choose beliefs based on informed knowledge and consistency rather than party politics or church politics.

It all boils down to the question of truth. Is there such a thing as truth? Is there absolute and/or universal truth? What is truth? You know, Pilate asked Jesus that very question. Jesus said to him, "You are right in saying I am a king. In fact, for this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone on the side of truth listens to me." "What is truth?" Pilate asked. Jesus does not answer, or if He did, it is not told to us. Either way, he already defined truth. He said, "I am the way, the truth and the life."

The truth is that Jesus is truth. Jesus reveals to us what is true. And so for me, with this whole issue, and every other issue, I take my cues from Jesus. Here's a man who associated with the lowest of the low in society: pimps, prostitutes, drug dealers, drunks, deadbeats, gays, lesbians, transgendered...oh wait, wrong culture...well, you get the drift. Still, He loved them. He had compassion on them. Yet he gave them the kind and loving words of "Go and sin no more." No altar call. No confession. Just "Go and sin no more." In essence, that's the whole point: He gave them a second chance, He loved them, and He welcomed them. But He didn't leave their lives untouched and unchanged.

As I think about all the conversations I've had about this issue in the last week and a half, I am reminded of what Paul, the "homophobe" had to say after he supposedly condemns homosexuality in one place. He says, "And that's what some of you were. BUT you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God." What do you make of this? Simple. God's grace is enough. And whether you are gay or straight, whether you cheat or steal or envy or sleep around, the truth is that the Christian faith is one of new beginnings. To me, knowing and experiencing that would be far more liberating than any other experience you could have, because no matter what bugs you, you can walk away. Sure, you still struggle. Sure, you still endure it. But you can walk away. You can choose to walk away. You may not choose to take on the burden, but you can leave it in the arms of Jesus. The feelings and urges may not go away, but you can stand up under them.

Maybe this is the better approach: to share the love and hospitality of Jesus in such a way that when people encounter you, they encounter Jesus. And when they encounter Jesus, they encounter the radical grace and love which calls us all to go and sin no more, and gives us a chance at a new start: over and over again. Every time we sin, every time we confess, every time we worship God, every time we come to the Lord's Table in the Eucharist.

So what kind of opinion is that? Probably conservative, but I don't want the label, so keep it. Frankly, I only hope that I'm reflecting the opinion of Jesus. That's whose opinion really matters to me, and He's the only one to whom I would in a heart beat. And frankly, if my opinion ever changes, it is because Jesus changed something in me.

Geeze, for someone who doesn't have an answer, I think I just gave one. Still, to me, the whole amazing thing about Christianity is the encounter of God's grace and mercy. Thankfully, He has enough of that to forgive us when we miss sharing that grace and love with others, or when we miss the mark on the kind of life God calls us to live.

Goodnight and the peace of Christ be with you all!

More GA stuff

Well, I guess there's more to this fiasco than I already knew about. Apparently, the GA passed two additional authoritative interpretations that are to be effective immediately, and without warning. This spells huge trouble in the Church. I guess it is worse than I thought (well, depending on your opinions of the matter, I guess).

I will post again later in the day about what is going through my head, and I will include my letter to the Bessemer congregation to be read in worship tomorrow. So you will get my whole take on the matter.

VBS and General Assembly - This Weeks Musings

Hi Friends,

Here is a blog/letter that I just posted on our church's website for our members:

Hi all, First, I just wanted to say how excited I was to help with Bessemer's Community VBS this week. It was a joy to meet the kids and to hear what they are learning about Jesus. Thanks to all who volunteered from our church and community to help - what a blessing it was.

Second, some of you are going to hear in the coming hours and days about the decisions of our denomination, the Presbyterian Church (USA), at its national meeting called the General Assembly. One issue that has weighed heavy on our church is that of human sexuality, specifically, homosexuality. I've been keeping up on the proceedings of the General Assembly, and they have made some decisions that may prove controversial around here in the upcoming days and months.

[Note: I deleted the rest of this post because it included a first draft of a letter that I updated and will post later today. Read on and find out all the details!]

This Week's Musings

Howdy all,
I hope this finds you well. Not much going on with me - just trying to keep up with summer Hebrew.

So I've been keeping up with the Presbyterian Church (USA)'s General Assembly, which is meeting in San Jose, CA this week. I am actually excited about the choice of moderator for the next two years, Bruce Reyes-Chow (check out his websites here and here) What I like about him is that you can't put him in a box. He is progressive on somethings (like homosexuality), but more traditional on other things (such as affirming that Jesus is the way to salvation). He is the pastor of an "Emerging" church in San Francisco, and thus a part of a movement I find really fascinating and hopeful for the future of the Presbyterian Church. I guess what excites me is that a generation that overall feels disconnected with the institutional church are electing leaders who themselves want to restore and renew the church to make it what it is supposed to be: the Body of Christ, instead of a monolithic institution.

To me, this echos a lot of the changes we are trying to make at Bessemer. It is time to strengthen the one aspect that small churches tend to do well: be a community. Instead of being about some institution with programs to draw people in, we are realizing that we must be the church in the world beyond just what we do on Sunday morning. And it is refreshing to see that these same themes that I have discovered in prayer and study are the same themes that others my age are noticing and sharing. I think that excites me, and it shows me that God's Spirit is indeed at work in the PCUSA.

But, back to the topic at hand...While I don't always agree with Reyes-Chow's conclusions on some issues (like homosexuality), I admire that he is willing to respect people like me who disagree, and he understands why people disagree. I enjoy talking to people like this, who want to live in the tension what is Christianity, and to seek God's will together. I never understood this aspect of mainline Presbyterianism until I broke free from what I could call the "Chains of Fundamentalist Evangelicalism" which so encapsulated my high school and early college years. What I love about the church is when people who disagree can still worship and work together to share Jesus Christ with the world. What I love is that you can be open and real with people like that because they do not judge you for your theology. Hmm, sometimes I think other Christians are more critical of an individual's theology than God Himself is, and that's pretty bad. And with me struggling to make sense of the Christian faith as I prepare to be a pastor, I find myself attracted to situations where I can explore God's Word with others in such a way that there is no judgment for thinking differently on some things.

So I must say I am pleased that someone young and enthusiastic will be at the forefront of our denomination. I feel really excited to be starting out as a pastor right now, because I think the future of the church lies in my generation's hands. I know that we will never reach a Utopia, but with all that God is doing right now, just think of the possibilities for the future! Ahh, exciting times.

As for this morning at church, the service went well. We had to have like 45 people in church for the second or third week in a row. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but think that two years ago at this time, they only had 35 in church on an average week. God is so good! Anyway, I preached on Genesis 22 (I'm a week ahead in the lectionary texts, but only b/c not being able to preach on July 6 b/c of communion screwed me up), and the sacrifice of Isaac. It was a tough sermon to write, but it went well. In the end, the point was that God always provides at just the right time. After church, we did a "prayer walk" through the church, praying in each room and singing hymns as we travelled. That was really cool. Thanks to Rhodell for coming up with that idea.

Well, bed calls me. I have to be up early to entertain kids at Bessemer's Community VBS tomorrow. I look forward to it!

God bless, wherever you are this night!

In Christ,
Nate

Good Grief!

Well, it has been a really long time since I updated...and I apologize. The last year has been a blur. But it has been wonderful!!

I last journaled at the end of July, meaning that A LOT has happened since then. I began school at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (PTS) in September. I love it there. Okay, it's not perfect, but it's where I need to be right now. I hate to bad-mouth Grove City (which I sometimes do anyway), but I couldn't have been happier to get out of there. I must say that, yes, I learned a great deal from the institution and it prepared me well for Seminary; and it deeply impacted my spiritual life, albeit often leading me away from its rather staunch, conservative stance on everything to a more moderate position on things. For me, Pittsburgh has been a welcomed change, where I feel more able to express my self, and a place which has helped me to gain more self-confidence. Very often GCC left me feeling like I was not smart enough nor gifted enough to be what God has called me to; Pittsburgh has helped to show me that I am indeed capable and called, and I have more one on one connections with professors, who also have been extremely encouraging. I also struggled a lot to make friends at Grove City, especially during my freshman year. I also struggled with my school work, and both of those created a difficult situation at the Grove. Still, as I look back, I gained some wonderful things from GCC: 1) a good education; 2) insight into one particular worldview, even though it is one I sharply react against at times; and 3) some of the most amazing friends I could have ever made, including some really great former roommates (one of whom came to visit me just this weekend). So, I guess all in all, it wasn't all horrible, although I don't know how often the place frustrated and consumed me.

But Pittsburgh has its frustrations and its limitations also. But I think it will train me well, and it has caused me to reexamine myself, my faith and my worldview. The two institutions have had a powerful impact on me, enabling me to, for the first time in my life, actually like myself for who I am, and have "confidence in [my] abilities" (to quote Dr. Tuell). But my struggles in life have taught me humility, love, and grace, three virtues I wish all Christians would exhibit above all others. Not that I'm perfect, because we all know I'm not, but I feel like I really learned the most powerful and valuable lesson of my life when I learned these things through my struggles.

But, life is more than school. I know that's hard to imagine, but it is. There's home. Gosh, do I love living at home again. Not in the same house with my parents (cause that would make me nuts), but being here on the farm. I love that I am sitting on my porch, listening to James Taylor (for me, the music of summer), staring across the hay fields as the sun is setting, turing the blue horizion to an orangish-purple color. The smell of summer is in the air, and I am sitting here watching the hummingbirds fighting over the feeder on my porch. My flowers are planted, and everything is so green. I don't ever want to leave, and I pray that God will use me somewhere around here, instead of making me move somewhere. Yes, I'm willing to do whatever, but I really think, for now at least, He wants me here. I want to be here, things are going well here, and I have a peace in my relationship with God that I have not had for a long time. I feel like I am in the prime of my life and exactly where I need to be. Now if I could just drop like 50 lbs and find a girlfriend, I'd be in great shape...but that's another story... ;-) All in all, things couldn't be more perfect.

And I am still at Bessemer Presbyterian Church. In fact, I am doing my field education there, and just signed another one year contract. Plus, they are giving me an additional $3600 for professional expenses to be used toward school and church, so that's a nice raise! Well, as for the church, here is what has happened over the last year. We have made some real progress. We added four new members to our rolls, and we baptized two little ones. We've had some folks return to the church after a hiatus, and a few new folks start coming, and I hope we can add more to our membership again soon.

The two greatest lessons I've learned over the past year are about God's faithfulness and the power of resurrection in life. First, I've watched God change a church from one that thought death was knocking on its door to one that feels a renewed sense of life and vitality. It's apparent when they gather for worship, and its contagious. I bring visitors in not really to hear me preach, but to let me know what they think of the church. What is apparent is that we are very friendly and welcoming, and you can tell Jesus is present by His Spirit, because it shows in the congregation's actions. Granted, sometimes we get frustrated, we lose faith and feel worn down; but in those moments, God has been faithful, and renewed our strength that we might soar on wings as eagles (Is. 40). To me, this is what resurrection looks like: passing from death to new life. To me, this is God's faithfulness.

I think the key to having a healthy church is the same as the key to having a healthy faith: listening to and following God. It seems so easy, and yet it is so hard. But by doing that very thing, by getting back to the basics of what the church is and why it exists has done wonders. It has given me a renewed sense of what my calling is and what ministry looks like. Too many churches let programs and the like get in the way. To me, the early church had it right when it stressed a community of faith, and I believe that is what will make Bessemer strong again: committing to being the body of Christ, the hands and feet of Christ, going out into the world instead of drawing people in. It takes time for such ideas to take shape in peoples' lives, but they do in time.

So far, his has been happening in two ways. First, we started what we call a "Bus Stop Ministry." Basically, three mornings a week, several folks from the church open the doors and give the kids morning snacks. It was a little awkward at first, but the twenty-five kids who get on for both the elementary and high schools have opened up to us, and we feel a connection with them. If you could see the faces of folks from the church when they talk about those kids, you know why God has called us to do this: to share the love of Christ with these kids, and for Christ to teach us about love through these kids. It's amazing. The second thing we have done is to start a children's ministry called the "Builders' Club." It meets two Friday mornings a month during the summer to help the kids build life skills (sewing, cooking, planting, etc.), build relationships, and to build faith. We had five kids on Friday, and we had a blast. We are thinking we may have up to twenty-five this week! Please pray that we do, and that they are particularly kids that don't go to church anywhere else, so that we might reach them with the Gospel. But in any case, that is going well so far. It was an uphill struggle with it, but all in all, things are working out and I think there is a lot of potential.

And so I know Bessemer will survive its people keep their faith and trust in God and goes out into the community to serve and share the love of Christ. So many are praying for us, and things are really going well. I know God is in all of this, and I only hope that things continue to go well.

So, let's see, I also went to Italy last summer and to Israel this spring. Both were phenomenal, and for different reasons. I'll perhaps write more about them later. But let that's suffice for now.

Well, I've written enough for now. I should finish studying for Hebrew (my summer class I'm taking), but I think I'll sit here and enjoy this beautiful summer evening on my porch. I never want to leave...but whatever. Hope this post finds you well, and that God's blessings rest upon you tonight, wherever you are. Good night!


In Christ,

Nathan